The Day the Music Died: Coachella, Lollapalooza Ban “Narsisstics”

Coachella, the music festival that brought us Hologram 2Pac, and Lollapalooza, that other music festival that’s been going on since your parents were in college, draws the line at the scourge of modern society — the selfie stick.

The festivals, which are popular with 20-something hipsters, called the devices “Narsisstics” (which should probably be “narcissistics”) and are on a list of Coachella’s prohibited items. Other things on that list: stuffed animals, hula hoops and drugs. (I’m betting one of those things will be at both venues regardless of how many lists it’s on.) Theoretical physicists are studying Coachella and Lollapalooza, as music and concert executives confirm the existence of alternate universes where irony does not exist.

However, if you think this is some attempt to wag a finger (rightly or wrongly) to teach millennials humility and that they should just chill out, disconnect and enjoy the music, you’d be wrong. So wrong.

Selfie sticks, and presumably stuffed animals, hula hoops and drugs, will distract Coachella attendees from Coca-Cola signage, and presumably some kind of similar sponsorship deal with a similar consumer-facing corporation at Lollapalooza.

Of course, there’s nothing stopping anyone from taking selfies the old-fashioned way, just like there’s no way anyone can stop concert promoters from charging $8 for a bottle of water and some guy you don’t know from charging way more for molly than he should.

With tickets for Coachella going for $375 and Lollapalooza going for $275, if you could get them at all, I’d rather get an Apple Watch. Or at least, pay for a good chunk of an Apple Watch.

That’s not just age talking kids. That’s experience.

Via A.V. Club (which spelled it “narcisisstics”; it’s been a confusing day for portmanteaus to say the least). Photo by César (simbiosc)/flickr.